What gives you hope for your future? How about hope for your world's future? Is hope hard to maintain?
i'm back from the dead, apparently.
I'm answering the writer's block thing to start this journal off again. I'm not sure what gives me hope for the future, to be honest. I've never really thought about it that much until now.. and right now is an awfully bad time for me to be thinking about hope. I guess it's the unknown factor that keeps me holding on and looking forward to the next day. I'm looking forward to the changes that will come.. and knowing there are going to be challenges that will open bright doors for me.
The world's future? Well, that's another story. The state of the world right now really worries me. I haven't watched television in over three months and today - since it's my day off and i had some time to kill before I had to start running errands - I turned on the tv and flicked through the channels. I stopped on CNN and watched for a while. Now, don't get me wrong, I am staying updated on the news! I get the Atlanta Journal & Constitution daily and read it normally before work. But.. seeing the clips and seeing the people yelling at each other over fickle things is different than just reading it. There's so much hate and violence. People blowing other people up. People suing other people. People killing themselves. People killing other people. Just people
. It worries me a lot.
It just now struck me and odd irony that I got my tattoo (more about it later on.. picture will be under a cut near the end of the entry) and then two days later I watch the news and I'm brought to tears over the state of the world. Anyway.
I don't have much hope for the future of the world. I'm hoping a revolution will come along and the young people will pull their heads out of their 360's and ps3's and realize that by the time they reach the age they're supposed to retire at and collect social security there isn't going to BE any social security and they aren't going to be able to retire at 62. The economy is going to bottom out, the price of living is going to sky rocket, and my generation is just going to scratch their asses and bitch about how someone else caused it.
No. It's our fault for not acting.
It's our fault for not seeing what's going on.
It's our fault we're a generation of apathetic, self-centered assholes.
Yes. Hope is hard to maintain.
Now that all that's over and I'm in the blogging mood.
I haven't posted anything to my livejournal in.. a long time. I think the last time I updated was back during my sophomore year in high school. I'm now 18. Time flies.
I "dropped out" of high school on April 21, 2008. Two months before my graduation. Yeah, stupid. I was heavily involved in drugs at the time.. from February on through May I was stoned every day. I was drunk when I wasn't baked. Speed. I tried cocaine. I picked up smoking. I didn't care about my future and that attitude got me to a point where there was no way for me to pull my grades up to graduate with my class. So I dropped out and didn't really care. I enrolled in Mountain Education Center (night school), a normal highschool that is basically work-at-your-own-pace and goes from 4 until 11 at night. I completed the classes I needed to have to graduate in two days and ended up graduating with Mountain Ed at the end of May. I got my normal high school diploma and was awarded a few scholarships. I'm incredibly lucky that it worked out the way it did, but jesus. I've just recently realized all the shit I've been doing wrong.
I feel like everyone close to me deserves an apology.
But, the funny thing is, the people that were close to me at the time weren't stopping me from doing any of it. They did it before I was brought into the group and got me into it, and kept doing it once I distanced myself from them. I'm not blaming them for what I did and what habits I picked up; I realize that it was my decision to do what I did and I'm the only one that can be held responsible. But god, wouldn't you think someone would say something?
Aaanyway. That stuff is all over with. I still smoke cigarettes and I do toke still. But I'm responsible about it. No more driving around wasted or stoned. No more sneaking into buildings to smoke. I think I've reached a maturity level I thought wouldn't happen.
My dad's not doing so well right now and I'm basically living on my own. He was diagnosed with congestive heart failure week before last, I think, and has been in and out of the hospital since then. When he went into the hospital initially they airlifted him to Chattanooga and he died for two minutes in the helicopter. When he was grounded again he was alive, but not stable. After tests and tests and tests the doctors found out he had a severely enlarged heart and had 10lbs of fluid and loose tissue on and around the heart causing strain. Apparently, if he had waited 6 more hours his heart would have given out and he would not have been able to be revived. Anyway. He's going through echograms and loads of medications now. I'm worried about him; my dad has always seemed invincible and immortal to me. He's always been there and thinking about him not
being in the house scares the hell out of me. I want him to go back to normal. Woo stress.
I grocery shop for myself now, I pay my phone bill, my gas, for car repairs, my insurance, and for anything else I need to buy. All of that for getting paid 6.75/hr and working maybe 45 hours per paycheck. It's hard to stretch it that far after I pay bills. I haven't gone clothes shopping in a while. Being an adult isn't what I was expecting when I was all gung-ho about turning 18. I wish I could go back to being a freshman.
I did spend $45 on myself on the 4th of July, though. I got my tattoo that I've been wanting for a long time.( picture.Collapse )
It's on the nape of my neck and I'm very much in love with it. It could be considered a tribute to my dad since one of his favorite songs is Imagine by John Lennon. I can remember every New Year's that I spent with him in Georgia he would always have Imagine playing at midnight as the first song we'd hear during the new year. He always told me that if everyone played that song during the first minutes after midnight of the new year it'd give the world hope. I don't think I'll ever forget him telling me that.